Its been 1 week, 1 day, and 12 hours and about 20 minutes since I’ve been without Miguel. I don’t know why I’m counting. I just am. Maybe it comforts me? Or maybe it hurts me more since I’m constantly reminding myself how long I’ve been hurting without him? Either way I should stop. It will soon fade, I hope.
There is a song that I have been listening to that is now part of my life.
“I had, I had it all
But I let it slip away
couldn’t see I treated you wrong
Now I wonder around
Trying to believe that you’re gone”
“love takes time to heal when you’re
Hurting so much
Couldn’t see that I was blind to let you go
I cant escape the pain I feel inside
‘Cause love takes time
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here alone”
“You might say its over
You might say you don’t care
You might say you don’t miss me
You don’t need me
But I know that you do
And I feel that you do inside”
Mariah Carey, Love Takes Time. (Yes I am old school).
I’ve stopped bugging Miguel simply because he doesn’t respond to anything. I missed a whole week of college. Get this, the week before mid-terms. Its that just peachy? Doesn’t it seem that when one thing goes bad everything else seems to burn down along with it. (Damn). On top of that, Eddie ran over our and Dan’s mailbox this morning. (Life is good, life is good). (NOT).
The weirdest thing happened the other day at dinner with my dad and his new girlfriend. Well not “weird” weired (for me any way). I was in a bitchy mood. But I calmed down, I think. I don’t remember honestly. I got to the restaurant a little late. Parked, dragged myself out of my car and crawled to the door, As my dad greeted me.
“Your 45 minutes late. Where‘s Miguel?” he said. Oh right, I forgot to tell him that he was, gone. “Can we just get this over with?” I asked. He looked at me funny, kind of weird like. I’ve never seen it on his face before and it surprised me, it was concern. “Is everything alright?” he said putting a hand on my shoulder.
Maybe I had enough. Maybe it was all too much to take. Or maybe I lost my mind along with my heart, along with everything. “No, Miguel’s gone,” I said with tears that were bursting out of my eyes. I thought I had gotten rid of all of them but apparently not. He took me in his arms. It felt foreign, something strange. Something that I forgot what it was. Fatherly love.
I told him what happened. I didn’t need to, I didn’t want to. It just came out. I mean, even the people walking in were stopping to hear my broken love story. We finally made it in when they told us we would lose our table if we didn’t sit and order. So I put myself together (kind of, some pieces were missing) even though my dad told me it would be ok to go home.
We walked up to a table where a blond, in her 20’s, very beautiful girl was sitting at. At first I thought my dad was going to tell me that she was a sister of mine I never knew about, but no it was his date. Name; Jennifer, can also be called Jen or Jenny. Job; works with dad. Age; 23.It was weird, it was awkward, it was just like my dad.
We ordered, we ate, and we talked. If I would have been my normal self I would have made some witty and sarcastic comment like “sure you can drink wine already?” But I wasn’t. I was supper nice, mature, and respectful. I know that if I was myself I would have said things that would have not been very nice. (I mean please this chick is younger than Miguel!) (Oh Miguel)…
I wasn’t in the mood to judge so I got the chance to know her. I even told her about Miguel for some crazy reason but she seemed so nice. They’ve been dating for 6 months now so he has really kept this a secret. I don’t blame him. He told me at the end how well I handed everything. Every one deserves love I guess. Even if there is a 35 year age difference.
Before we left I grabbed the wine bottle and stuffed it in my sweater, and had a good time in my room listening to country music until I passed out on my bed. I think I’m getting better, I think. I still miss him. I think I always will.
Until next time, I’m missing him.